confidence

I was talking to my friend today. he was telling me about impressions. or generally, about what other people think me. it was interesting, and the general idea I got by the very end was, “i’m unlikable.” of course I was a bit sad about it, but i guess i understood ‘why‘, but even understanding ‘why‘ isn’t really satisfying to me. i can invest time in some people, and in some, I can’t; no time or desire. everyone wants to be admired right? or liked? so I guess that’s what was bothering me today.

I prayed through the day that the thoughts would leave me. I prayed that I would not be so focused on something that shouldn’t bother me very much, but it was [bothering me]. eventually I did stop thinking about it, but the thought didn’t disappear. I started talking to someone else, a friend who isn’t really around anymore. I asked her whether or not she thought I had changed over the course of the past 2 years. I also asked if worrying about another person’s impression of myself should matter. I asked if it is meaningful to invest time any many of the people I know or have met. what she told me was really impactful; she told me “Invest time into others for the sake of pouring into them. don’t invest time into people for the sake of changing their opinion of you” — thanks jshih

I realize that Jesus didn’t worry himself with such trivial things. He preached his Gospel despite what the pharisees thought. He always poured his heart into others unconditionally, and His final act of compassion on earth was for the sake of others, not Himself. There will always be differing opinions from people that I will not get along with. I will always reach a feud with someone that won’t be settled easily. I can accept that. Pardon me, but please do not take this as stubbornness or arrogance. if my confidence has come off as overconfidence and my overconfidence has come off as arrogance, then it was never my intention. I apologize. it should never be about  having confidence in myself; it’s about having confidence in the LORD.

Let me pour into you. you can keep your impression of me, but I want  to get to know the beautiful creature that God created you to be. Let me be the brother that I was meant to be. (Most importantly) Let God show through our relationship, our love. I am CONFIDENT in Jesus.

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One thought on “confidence

  1. sparklejewel April 18, 2010 / 7:46 pm

    so I might be bias because I’ve only actually “met” you once, and for a mere 3 days or so, but I did not think you were unlikeable. carrying yourself in a confident way can be a good thing. nobody wants to hang out with someone who’s curled up in a ball with their knees pulled up to their chinoh, and i feel like a nerd. i had to look up the word ‘unlikeable’ to make sure you or I wasn’t spelling it wrong. it works both ways 🙂

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