Organization is my idol

letting go of responsibility is particularly hard. Joanna said this to me today, “its weird letting go of all the responsibility I had last year, you know?”

I’m no longer the person I was a year ago. After a whole year of mistakes and experiences, I’ve learned and grown from the trials. I know how to plan large groups in 10 minutes, I know how to overcome fear of tough questions in discipleship, and even know how to ask probing questions to non-christians without averting their gaze. These are all things I’ve learned how to do this past year. That’s probably why I expected this year be to easier. Because I have grown so much, part of me expected leadership to be less challenging. I couldn’t be more wrong. 

I don’t know exactly what my role in Epic is this year. to empower and mentor. If only I could really do that. Most of all, I’m just having trouble trusting the leaders I work with. How do you empower others to lead? If I’m unable to do that, does that mean I don’t trust the Holy Spirit enough? If Jesus treated leadership the way I do, then Jesus wouldn’t be a very good standard to live up to. 

I think tonight’s large group was a wake up call for the self-image I’ve made for myself. I want to learn how to encourage others and be graceful while doing it. I want us all to know God the same way Jesus intended for us to. Two weeks ago I said I care more about our growth in our individual relationships with Christ, and I mean to keep my word. 

Organization is my idol, but God wants to reorganize my life (again)


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