talking with my parents about missions is frustrating. At first, safety seems to be the biggest issue, but it’s not. At first, talking about SEASP, the response I get is that I need the government doesn’t want people there sharing the gospel. Therefore, you’ll get kidnapped and who knows what? Second, they said the summer project website is just a flashy website and that if I do get kidnapped, epic will have forced us to sign some petition saying it’s not their fault if anything happens. third, they said that people will try and trick you in SEA so they can get close to you and take you away. They’ll try to convince me that they’re accepting what I’m sharing and then try and get to me and blackmail my parents. When bringing up alternate projects to safer places, my dad said they’d talk about it again, to see whether it was worth it.
Then onto the topic of money. My dad’s first comment? How can the trip cost 4100? I brought up the example of someone else’s trip that was 20 days for 2100. How can a 6-week trip not cost 4100? My dad said that it’s a luxury to for me to go overseas and spend that much money to do this. While it’s a “noble cause,” you don’t need to go and risk your life for other people. You need to think about yourself, and this isn’t worth it. On top of all this, he said that because it’s a luxury, that he wouldn’t support me financially for this trip at all, no matter where the trip is to. When I graduate my from optometry school, if I want to do it then, then they’ll support me financially.
However, neither of these issues is what really frustrates me. What frustrates me most is that my parents and I cannot see eye to eye on God and who he is. I feel like I’m waging a constant war with my parents, like they’re the enemy and I have to crush their spirits so that I can share with people about Jesus. I feel like they’re a wall or a obstacle to overcome. I seriously envy people who have parents who are believers. In this same situation, that child can still appeal to the truth that is in the bible with parents who are believers. If the parents continue to reject the notion of going on missions, it will be on the parents’ lack of faith and belief in God, not the child’s fault. I have no common ground when it comes talking about my priorities. To them, their question to me is, “Does optometry school come first? Or does serving God come first?” Frankly, they won’t understand that those two are one and the same, and the response I get from them when I say “serving God” is explosive. Of course they’ll think this is a luxury! They can’t see how incredibly important it is to pursue a relationship with Jesus. They don’t know that life is about more than just your security, safety, comfort, and status. My parents don’t boast of success or riches; they want a simple life without any strings attached. But their are riches stored in heaven that we’re promised, and I want them to see that.
In a nutshell, right now, and for the last 4 years, I feel like I’ve lived my life in a way where I need to appease my parents to survive. But thinking this way gives me guilt because it makes me recognize my selfishness and ungratefulness.
I mentioned yesterday to Tiara that ultimately, the goal isn’t to get permission to go on a summer project; it’s to continue minister to my parents and present my faith to them clearly. I want to boldly proclaim my life as a follower of Jesus Christ to them, and part of the reason I wanted to go on this trip was so that I could demonstrate the change that happens when you follow Jesus Christ. To be completely honest, I think I’ve been motivated to go on a missions trip mostly because I want to challenge my parents’ understanding of how we live life – that our life doesn’t belong to us, but it belongs to God. But right now, it’s hard to remember that’s my purpose.
Last thing: I feel really anxious right now because unlike epic, I don’t have a strategic plan that I can use or create to plan out how to minister to my parents for the next three years. I’m completely lost.