“I don’t want to care for people who are needy.”
If I am more gracious with my words, I would instead say, “I find it hard to love people who require more love and attention than others.” My immediate thought following any encounters with tough-to-love people (or TTLP) is this:
(and I apologize for my rough assertiveness, but these are honest thought’s I’ve had)
“Get over yourself. Stop complaining. Stop whining. Your problem is blown out of proportion. You’re being emotional. The world doesn’t care about your issue. You’re being selfish. You’re being a burden to me and many other people because you’re only thinking about yourself. Most of all, grow up, PLEASE. People outside of the church don’t value immaturity, and if you ever want to amount to anything in this life, you need to grow up because non-Christians will not show you any grace. They don’t have to. Just learn to suck it up and control your feelings.”
I know I lack the ability to love and show grace/compassion/patience/care/etc. I know I do. And most of the time, I can’t really figure out if my morals are based biblically or worldly. I’m confident that I have worldly values that hinder my walk with Jesus because I can oftentimes feel the tension. At the same time I really do try to challenge myself to care for and show patience to people who need love and care. I only say things that I think are true and won’t give words of affirmation if I don’t think they’re genuine. I’m trying to learn to give people encouragement when they need it and when I think they need to hear/feel it.
It doesn’t mean it’s easy though. Sometimes, especially this weekend, I was faced with the debacle of expecting or seeking thankfulness, gratefulness, and appreciation from people I was trying to serve. Instead of always saying “serving”, let’s just say I was “doing favors for” them. I was consumed with thoughts of entitlement, like I deserved, or entitled to, something in return for how I was helping people. Then one by one, time after time, my help was going unnoticed, unmentioned, or plainly rejected by different people. Of course it bothered me.
The struggle throughout all of this is that God requires ushers us to see the true brokenness in every human being – so much, that if you look closely enough, you’ll see that each person is living a shattered life. Each of them/us need the attendance and care that I so naturally attribute to what a needy person needs. I need to learn this. I need to care and love TTLP more and more. Why is loving people so hard? And why can’t I do it?