2am ramblings

I’m studying about coherent light sources (lasers) at 2am in the morning and a thought struck me. 

“What do I want my final thoughts to be when I die?”

Assuming I know I’m going to die 5 minutes before I actually do, I want to know that I lived a full and dedicated life to God. For many people, I know that won’t seem like much. In most peoples’ eyes, religion, and christianity in particular, seems to bind a person down, telling them what they can and cannot do. On the contrary, I think christianity is very freeing, giving life purpose and making each moment of life more meaningful. In the course of my life, I probably won’t do things like “travel the world” and “go skydiving” – things that are often on most people’s’ bucket list. For me, I really want to know that I strived to know more about who God is, instead of trying to live a perfect life. 

When I die, like most people, I don’t want to leave this world with regret. I don’t want to carry any baggage into the afterlife. I don’t want to think back on life and say, “if only I did that” or “many, i really wish I didn’t do that.” Carrying a burden like that is a mistake because essentially what I’m saying to God when I carry regret is, “your blood on the cross doesn’t cleanse me of my mistake.” Jesus died on the cross so that I could know my Father in heaven, so that I could die without regret. 

When I die and go to heaven, I don’t want to reflect on my life and say, “I did my best” either. Simply put, the truth is I want to pass knowing that the best is to come. You know how when you play monopoly, you pass go, and get 200 dollars? If it’s late in the game, You dread playing the game at that point because you’re afraid of landing on other people’s properties. Well God will welcome us with open arms when we pass go/death. His KIngdom is a place where we’ve been welcomed into, because heaven is where we belong. Heaven isn’t the image floating in the skies above the clouds; heaven is the place where our greatest need is met with the greatest joy through knowing God and having a personal relationship with Him. When I die, I want to have complete faith that whats to come is infinitely better than what has happened.

So yeah, I’m kinda looking forward to death. Does that sound a little bit morbid?  


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