God Spoke Today

I got to hang out with Josh today. Good guy, great friend, something I haven’t necessarily always been toward him. But still, God finds ways to speak through him.

He said something that I’m still pondering: “Now that I’ve gotten older, I feel like it’s okay to be a little bit selfish.” What did he mean by that? 

As I think about it, this past year, I exerted a lot of energy doing exactly what I thought I was supposed to do. What I thought I was supposed to do was often influenced by expectations others set before me, mostly having to do priorities and where my time was allocated. Sometimes I set those expectations myself because I have a tendency to try and do “the right thing” 
For instance, As a church member, I felt the obligation to be at church. If I had free time, instead trying to hang out with friends I already had, I was supposed to invest in relationships with people at my church. After class, if I got out early, I could go to church, “study” there, and then go home for dinner later. The problem was, I didn’t get the dedicated study time and spent most of it playing settlers at church begrudgingly because I knew I shouldn’t be there.
The list can keep going to talk about bible study, investing time in non-believers at school, studying with a study group, discipleship, and even witnessing to my parents. There are so many things that I do because I feel like I’m supposed to do them. At its very core, it feels very legalistic and law-based. So, as I think about it, what does my heart want? What do I want to do? Who do I want to invest in? 
So… Here’s a list of the possible commitments I can make this year. 
  1. UH Epic Launch (details still unknown)
  2. FCO (i don’t feel like my heart is into it, but I really like my friends)
  3. Discipling Matthan Fridays(already committed, and I want to)
  4. Discipleship with James (definitely want to) 
  5. Discipling Jonathan’s Friend (not sure if able, and not sure if the heart is there)
  6. Teaching Sunday School (More out of obligation because I’m supposed to serve somewhere at church, low maintenance/demand, I don’t feel like teaching is my gift, and I don’t want to let James down) 
  7. Volleyball Thursdays (I see a real possibility of developing ministry here, and my heart is really invested in this)
  8. Small Group Wednesdays (I really like the community I have with these people, but concerned about how late it goes)
  9. Tennis with my dad Tuesday(just spending time with him, good for exercise), good for his activity)
And all that on top of school. Clearly, I don’t intend to do all those things; maybe half of them at best. But, as I was telling Jonathan today, I think I really need to check my heart. How can I be more selfish with my time and care for my needs and desires? What does my heart really yearn for? And What is God really telling me to do? 
I don’t really know, but I am excited to find out. 

One thought on “God Spoke Today

  1. lightoftheworld12 August 14, 2014 / 9:25 am

    In priorities, think about what you’re willing to give up and miss out on in order to accomplish something else that’s more important (in other words, being selfish). Studying vs hanging out. If you don’t hang out with these people are you okay with it? If you’re thinking about what they may think of you if you don’t, that’s not your problem. If you don’t get studying done, are you okay with it?

    There’s a give and take. But whatever happens, don’t do things with a bitter heart.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s