Answer #4

Are you a good role model?

I don’t know. As a human, as a sinner, I see my own sins and struggles and inconsistencies and inadequacies before anyone else can. The question I have to answer is, “am I too prideful to admit my faults? or am I too humble to care?” I’m quick to discount my worth and value, especially when it comes to influencing other people and the benefits I bring to this world and the people around me. Honestly, I think I’m a terrible role model. I’ve lied, cheated, stolen, and while I haven’t killed someone, I’ve had evil thoughts that are just as bad. I don’t think I’m well suited to be any person’s model in life, but I guess the most important thing is realizing that I’m not well suited to be the model people strive to be. Rather, my life can be a declaration of who God is. Jesus should be the model we strive to be, not because he was “perfect” but because He had a relationship and union with God of reconciliation. And we should ask the Holy Spirit to help us become more like Jesus.

Jesus is my role model.


Answer #3

What are you most afraid of? 


I’ve asked this question to many different people, but the most frequent answer I hear from them is the same one I would give. I’m most afraid of being alone. Now, before you jump to conclusions about what I mean, I define “being alone” as being without company. And what is the root word of company? It’s companionship. When we talk about friendships, we’re talking about relationships, and why do we want to be relational? It’s because we want companions? 

^^ circular reasoning. 

Okay, seriously, I am afraid of being alone though. You know when people talk about those “alone on an island”-hypothetical questions? They might ask, “who would you want with you?” I honestly, wouldn’t want to be stranded like Tom Hanks was in castaway. I am not necessarily the largest introvert or the largest extrovert. According to Myer’s briggs, I’m 51% E and 49% I. To be in isolation isn’t abnormal for me; I like my alone time, and I like my time alone to be quiet and peaceful. But, if I was without relationships and companions at all, I think I would completely lose it. I don’t think God created me or anyone else on this earth to do life without companions. We’re supposed to be in relationship with each other anyway; why would you want to walk your path as a loner? Personally, it scares me to have to face all of lifes’ trials on my own without someone to encourage or lift me up when I need it. I’m not talking about a girlfriend or a wife either; I’m just talking about good friends. 

Life would just be hard without the people around me. I’m not super super attached to any single friend, even those around me now. I’m not saying I’m unappreciative of them and the things they do for me. All I’m saying is, I’ve just never been a person that holds onto one specific person for dear life. I guess it’s a gift and a curse. Regardless, I do love my friends a lot, my family more, and my God the most. His relationship with me with is the greatest of all. 

Answer #1

“Imagine a future moment in your life where all your dreams come true. It’s the greatest moment in your life, and you get to experience it with one person. Who’s standing next to you?”


You know, I thought about this question a lot these past couple of days. I feel guilty for not choosing a member of my family; I believe I would want my best friend standing next to me. I used to think you could have many many best friends, or tiers of friends. I also used to think that your best friend couldn’t be the opposite gender. Truthfully, I just want my best friend to stand beside me through the difficult times, because I know I can depend on that person. In my darkest moments, my best friend knows how to comfort me with words of encouragement, something that I don’t accept very easily. They accept my flaws and show me grace that I don’t deserve. If my best friend is there for me in the tough times, then I want my best friend to be there at the best times. Celebrating something amazing isn’t amazing unless you have someone to celebrate with. After all, I don’t think the greatest moment of my life will be a moment that I am standing alone. Life is only truly great if you have someone to share it with.

Of course, now you’re probably wondering, “Who is your best friend?” Sadly, I don’t really know if I have one anymore. I used to, but every season of life brings a new challenge. There are definitely several people around me whom I consider very close. But, I don’t think I can pick one of them today. Maybe, right now God is saying that this isn’t the time to find comfort and fellowship with a person as most significant. Maybe instead, He’s telling me to rely on His son, Jesus Christ, a man who was given over to the authorities of man to die by the authority of God to overcome the authority of sin. Maybe, Jesus is my best friend. If He would stand with me on the best day of my life, I hope that would be enough for me.

Question #1

“Imagine a future moment in your life where all your dreams come true. It’s the greatest moment in your life, and you get to experience it with one person. Who’s standing next to you?” 


I thought I might try something new. Each week, I’ll ask a question to everyone (who reads my blog), and I’ll post my own answer to that same question a few days later. I’ll tell you my answer later this week! 

One Tree Hill Season 3, Episode 9

Tv. Drama. Relationships. One Tree Hill.

If you grew up in my generation, then sitcoms with titles like One Tree Hill and The O.C. will sound familiar to you (if not, then this post will still probably relate to you). The episode in the title is probably one of my top 5 episodes of the OTH series. There’s about 23 episodes each season for 9 seasons, and I have watched seasons 1-7. I watched the show in high school, and when I went to college, I discovered limewire and online streaming. Needless to say, I caught up on all the seasons I’d missed, filled in the gaps, and even met a girl with whom I bonded with solely over this show. I fell in love with the character Lucas. In a lot of ways, I wanted to be just like him. Watching the shows several years later, I wouldn’t wish that struggle upon anybody.

The show is so well scripted. It’s meant to tug at the heartstrings of every hopeless romantic. I was incredibly hooked just a few years ago because I felt like the stories I was investing my life in could fill the ache in my heart. I wanted to be the hero in the story because it constantly felt like I was suffering. I would watch as the love story that unfolds every season would be chronically shattered 5 episodes later. Episodes were particularly potent when the dramas going on had any semblance to my own life. In this particular episode, this is the breakdown.

Season 1: Girl likes Guy, Guy likes Girl’s Best Friend. Girl and Girl’s BF both like Guy. Guy starts dating Girl. Guy also has feelings for Girl’s BF at the same time. Both Girl and Girl’s BF are hurt. Guy and Girl break up.

Season 2: Girl still likes Guy. Girl’s BF doesn’t like Guy anymore. Girl thinks Guy still likes Girl’s BF. Girl doesn’t want to tell Guy that she likes him. Season ends with Guy confessing to Girl that Guy likes Girl, but Girl just leaves, crying.

Season 3: Girl likes Guy, but plays hard to get. Girl and Guy begin an open relationship. Guy is constantly fighting for Girl’s attention, but Girl doesn’t want to commit. Girl is afraid of getting hurt. Girl cheats on Guy with Guitar Guy. Guitar Guy is a douche, but you’ll learn to love him. Guy is upset.

If none of that makes sense, then that’s fine. The truth is, a lot times, I watched the show hoping that the happy ever after ending that the actors experience would happen in my life. If Guy and Girl can just work things out and forgive each other in embrace, why can’t I have porch-lit confession with music playing in the background? The show gave me hope. Watching the drama obviously didn’t make my life any easier; in reality, it probably made it harder.

I rewatched this episode tonight partially because Rebecca awakened the beast in me, and also because I wanted to reacquaint myself with the storyline. However, while watching it, I couldn’t help but feel sad. I mean, it’s not that this episode ends with unhappy endings. It’s more so because there’s so little for me to hold onto now. I don’t hope, like I used to, that things turn out perfectly for me like they do for Lucas. I don’t want my life to be a drama. I have a lot of friends who like to say, or at least used to say, “My life is like a korean drama.” Now, that sounds terrible. That’s like saying your life is a never ending cycle of broken relationships until the next person comes along to sweep you off your feet and fix all your problems. Then again, to be completely fair, OTH Seasons 1-4 are about juniors and seniors in high school.

There is an endless list of rationalizations and biblical truths that I could blog about explaining why watching a tv show in this manner is unhealthy, but I really wrote this post just to think out loud. You know… to show I’m human. And probably also to affirm the opinion people have of me that I think too much.

So I lied; maybe part of me still wants to be Lucas, but I don’t want to be even more so. There are moments where I’m watching this episode, and I’m daydreaming about how nice it would be if this scenario played out for me right now, how happy it would make me, and of course, how thrilling it would be to give a speech to a girl that I love. But, it’s not supposed to happen, mostly because it didn’t.

Watch this episode. Watch the last 5 minutes, and you’ll know what I’m talking about.